She plays coy....but we know her strength
First off I would like to thank the people who are now following my blog.
I have written here for years and in the last 6months I have been "discovered"....in fact the first time I realized I had "followers" I sat and stared at the screen and cried. I am not totally sure why. I think it was a combination of feeling found out, and feeling found.
So thank you ladies for your OVERWHELMINGLY kind words and love.
I do so feel it.
Yesterday was a stop at the NP, I wanted to talk about my plans, and desires for my body.
My primary care doc chose not to call to followup on the results of my MRI from December so I took control and booked an appt with the NP who treats me like a person and hears what I say.
So long crappy primary care doc...and thanks for nothing
When she came in I told her that I wanted to go over my latest results and find out what it really meant. She moved her chair all the way over to me and went thru each of the four lines of findings slowly.
I pointed out that the cyst had shrunk between the ultrasound and the MRI (one week apart) and she mentioned that it might have ruptured a little after the ultrasound.
She also thinks that the "plucking" feeling I have is most likely Mittleschmerz or middle pain, the feeling of ovulation.
I told her I had not gone back onto the BC pills since I saw her last in Aug (for a stressed tummy) and that although she prescribed them to me, it took months to fill it and then pick it up from the pharmacy.
It now resides in the cabinet of my bathroom....forgotten most of the time.
I told her the emotion of having to go back on them was too heavy.
I wanted to avoid them for as long as possible. I felt better off of them.
Seeing that I was still doing nothing to shrink the fibroids or the cysts, I was aware I was at risk for torsion and wanted to assess the real facts involved in making this decision.
I also told her I have been fed so many scare speeches, that if she could please simply tell me if I am acting risky. No need to stand in front of a dragon if I don't have to.
After a cyst gets about 3cm she likes to keep a close eye on it. Mine are around that size but I am feeling fine. She said she would prefer to treat me, then the cyst...if I feel fine, then we just keep an eye on the cyst and not go on the pill. I get to have ultrasounds every 4-6months instead.
She told me the warning signs of fallopian tube torsion and I understand the risk.
She told me to that I need to take vitamins and that we will assess my needs as they appear, she will do my annual and we will work together to keep me feeling good!
and that my penchant for chai or green tea is not a caffeine risk.
I felt like a person when I left, I felt normal and ok...I was so empowered that I came home and took a nap!
I awoke from a dream about two weeks ago telling my husband that I have just slain the devil...I slid a sword down its back. It fit into its spine like a sheath, it was not a triumphant feeling, but simply something I knew I could do.
He told me I was a bad-ass, and was glad I was sleeping next to him.