So the very pregnant friend had her baby on Monday.
It was a boy, turns out the name they picked out was also the same name The Barren and I had selected for our wished one. It is not a common name so when I heard that was the name selected for a boy I did my best to hide my emotions and possession of the name,
When they announced that they would shorten the name to Gus I was relieved as that is not the love name we have used to shorten the given name...we had picked auggie.
Well, this morning she posted on social media that
"Auggie was off to see the doctor for the first time since breathing air"
My heart sunk again and now I am struggling with hearing a name that I had held so deeply
and so silently in my heart for years.
How do you give away the name?
Allow it to float away from your heart and the dreams that you had to say it to your own?
I have yet to visit...I am not sure I am ready yet.
They live just across the road so we can't use distance as a reason for not being there yet.
Until I am ready, more stable on m feet and in my heart.
I will make white noise and hold off
hold my heart
whisper my wishes